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Satire on Giving from Babylon Bee

Dearborn, MI – According to reports from Plainview Church, local member Matthew Daniels makes it a habit to open his wallet and generously give to the church a portion of whatever money is left over in his budget at the end of the month.
Daniels, who has attended Plainview for more than ten years, told sources he religiously follows God’s command to give of the “first fruits” of the money he ends up not needing for his regular monthly expenses, which include housing, transportation and his fitness club membership.

“I always faithfully give to the church first out of whatever is left over, once I know for sure that my other expenses are taken care of,” said Daniels, whose monthly budget covers necessary items like groceries, high-speed internet, and a subscription to Netflix. “It’s my way of showing God I appreciate everything he has provided for me.”

“Like God said, give unto me the first fruits of that which runneth over from your budget,” he added.

You shall give him the first fruits of your grain, your new wine, and your oil, and the first shearing of your sheep.

Deuteronomy 18:4

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